Not an extreme case of abuse

 

 

Indian Home Maker  blogs about women’s problems. Her blog posts are often in the form of a letter from a sufferer. The result is often a barrage of comments full of advice and outrage. It’s a wonderfully interactive blog and I do recommend that you visit it.

This post My story is not an extreme case of abuse or humiliation is a newly wed’s lament about her husband’s lack of support with suddenly regressive in-laws.

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Image courtesy BollywoodShadis.com

Marriage in India is like this only. Tradition and culture are so strong, followed so unquestioningly that marriage unleashes the in-law demon almost immediately. If you want to make your marriage work, and you don’t want a divorce, but you don’t want to suffer through your marriage in a valiant attempt to prevent divorce, work on your marriage.

My advice to this young woman is to enlist the support of her husband. In the first few days of the great in-law clash he turned nasty and took the side of his parents unable to cope with their barrage of insults to his bride. He turned back into the man she had married when she talked to him about his behaviour.

This is the only way – marriage is a series of negotiations and however hard it may be, don’t give up on your husband if he starts supporting his parents’ eighteenth century views on marriage and brides. The day you give up and stop talking( talking isn’t the same as nagging) about your in-laws bad behaviour, that’s the day you take the path to divorce. Either that, or to a life of misery for yourself. Believe me, divorce is better than that kind of compromise.

 

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About Kalpanaa

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I always enjoy myself. I read books, I review. I eat, I review. I watch plays, I review. I have an opinion on everything. At other times I heal people through yoga and/or foot reflexology.

Posted on July 3, 2014, in abuse, bride, Divorce, Negotiation, oppressive customs, strength and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I would like to invite you to join my blog and read my post Women’s era. Hope it will inspire you.😃

  2. Very thought provoking. Thank you for sharing these experiences.

  3. Talking does help , I admit . But sometimes men are incorrigible..and the in-laws ..they fail to understand the mental stress that a girl is going through being uprooted from her family all of a sudden and discovering herself amidst a number of half-known people. I think a number of marriages in India don’t work because of the role played by the in-laws…

  4. well talking does help . I am not taking the man’s side but he has lived with his parents all these years so i nthe start he will take their side as he doesnot know the lady .. but after a few times and getting to know each other I am sure both get the view ..

    good suggestions

  5. New York: In a discussion that has gone viral on the Web, PepsiCo’s India-born CEO Indra Nooyi, counted among the world’s most powerful women, has acknowledged that it is difficult to maintain a work-life balance.

    “I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all,” 58-year-old Ms Nooyi told David Bradley.

    Ms Nooyi said she has died “with guilt” several times as she tried to bring up her two daughters with her husband of 34 years.

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