A good marriage enhances a woman’s power

…a bad marriage takes it away. This article Six things I lost when I was married  set me thinking. The author – Barbara McNally lists what she lost when married


  1. I quit my career
  2. I lost touch with my friends
  3. I lost my voice
  4. I lost my self-confidence and gave in to my fears
  5. I lost parts of myself and settled for a one-dimensional life
  6. I lost my honour and had an affair

Did you notice how not taking care of herself lead to her ruining her marriage? As a result of giving up her career and earning power she began to stop respecting herself.  Her husband stopped respecting her too. She allowed her husband to choose their friends. She didn’t want confrontation. Eventually all that saying ‘yes’ when she wanted to say ‘no’ lead to a huge rebellion. Barbara writes that she didn’t negotiate for what she wanted in the marriage. She ended up having an affair, respecting herself even less than before, losing even more power in the relationship.

Despite her brutal self-analysis she doesn’t blame herself entirely. She knows that a different kind of man would have encouraged her to keep her career, her friends, her voice, her self-confidence. “If my ex-husband had been a feminist with an egalitarian view of the role of women in society and relationships, and if the surrounding family and culture didn’t promote female subservience, things would have been quite different!”

A society that promotes female subservience is what makes marriage impossible for women. It’s the loss of equality in the traditional  marriages that makes it so abhorrent for women. If your husband ‘goes with the flow’ of the culture he lives in, doesn’t allow you (or encourage you) to express yourself and your personality is stultified by the marriage – divorce is inevitable. Either that or a major illness. Suppressing your own growth and individuality is going to erupt in your life somewhere or the other.

So, ladies, keep negotiating for what you want. It may be difficult but it’s worth it. You may just save your marriage – it’s that simple.


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About Kalpana

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I write about it and show you pictures either through my photography or through the pictures I paint with my words. I read books and write fiction. During working hours I teach English as an Additional Language. I edit.

Posted on May 15, 2014, in communication, Divorce, Feminist, strength, tradition and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

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