The Kindness of Muslim Men
Making the decision to divorce is monumental. You may find emotional support or you may not. You may find encouragement in the strangest and most unexpected places. I was very touched by this Guardian article The kindness of muslim men who helped me leave behind my miserable marriage where the writer, Shaista Aziz talks honestly and openly about the failure of her marriage, the years spent in not giving up on it, and finally the encouragement from family, friends and clergy. Her supporters had in mind her good and insisted on her behalf that her life needed her to leave her marriage. It’s the kind of scenario many of us dream about but can’t expect.
Towards the end of her touching piece, Shaista mentions the men from the wider community who felt they must criticise her and her decision, but to her credit, the main thrust of her writing is about the people who matter to her who helped her stand on her own. She chooses to focus on those who were there for her rather than the ones who are judgmental and unkind. Here is an extract from the article – “And finally a very wise and gentle man, an imam from Algeria, never once told me that it was my duty as a Muslim woman to put up with abusive behaviour. He told me the opposite, that I needed to get healthier in order to make a good decision about my future.” Please read the entire article, at the link given above. I assure you it’s worth it.
Zainab bint Younous at Love Inshallah writes in her blog post Divorced Ramblings, ” No, I did not love him as a husband, as a soul mate, as the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But every Muslim has rights over another Muslim, and one of those rights is to be loved for the Sake of Allah. This man is the father of my daughter, who loved me in his own way, however misguided… yes, I can muster compassion for him. And what is compassion, if not a pale, transparent, opalescent type of love?”