Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness for Someone Else’s
I was delighted to find Nicole Wolf’s pleasant, easy to read blog that is full of good sense and warm advice. Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness struck a chord with me specially where Nicole says, ” …Or a very common one with women, and that’s staying in an abusive or miserable marriage for the sake of the kids.” That’s the one I could be accused of being guilty of and I can tell you, my kids don’t thank me at all. Despite their opinion I stand by my decision because of the kind of family that we built by sticking together despite our personal unhappiness. My kids had the benefit of a whole family instead of a fragmented one, memories of family holidays and other precious moments like birthdays, graduations and other celebrations. Now, despite the divorce and the far flung nature of the family – from England, NY and Dubai to Delhi – we’re always in touch with each other and know each others’ highs and lows. Yes, even my ex-husband and this despite him being in a new marriage. This is possible because, for me, family came first. I don’t think I sacrificed my happiness – I simply focused on a different kind of happiness – that of being a Mum, the centre of my children’s world, raising kids, puppies and organic vegetables while my then husband and I maintained an uneasy friendship. As long as I didn’t have expectations of him behaving like the perfect husband I had in mind, we didn’t freak out. But it took a lot of working on my self and many hours of meditation. Despite a host of similarities we are different from each other in what we want from life and when the last bird flew the nest it was time to do what I wanted to do.
Everyone’s marriage is different. Each person’s wants and needs vary. You have to take your own decisions about what is sacrifice and what is your happiness. Examine your life and don’t stay in a marriage that isn’t working simply because people around you expect it of you. You cannot opt for a divorce in India without single minded determination. Everyone is going to oppose you. But that’s no reason to bow before the mob and trudge along the well worn path of endurance. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for someone else’s!