What offers to marry a second time in India are really like

The ad that celebrates remarriage that I wrote about in my post Celebrating remarriage has had many reactions, mostly positive. Fellow blogger and novelist Ritu Lalit loves the ad but says it makes her blood boil because it’s so far from reality. Do read her post Second Marriage Tanishq ad for a laugh a minute. While it’s laudable to be able to laugh at the kind of experiences she writes about, it’s bordering on tragedy that she had such experiences. The fact that her experiences are very run of the mill makes me even more despondent.

Second marriages in India are all about the guy doing the woman a favour. Unless of course, in the rarest of the rare cases he actually falls in love. For one, love is not an emotion most Indian men allow themselves to feel for anyone except themselves, their parents and their children – in that order.  As you can see from Ritu’s post, the kind of men you find on Indian marriage websites, specially those dedicated to second marriages, are business-like about the fact that they need a housekeeper to take care of their parents, home, children while the relationship between husband and wife takes a back seat. Way at the back. Back of the bus, not even a car. Indian men – and their belief that they are god’s gift to the world! That just having a man to take care would send any woman into paroxysms of delight. Quivering with anticipation to cook for him, wash his clothes, put up with his mother’s bad moods – ooooo  what bliss, ooooooo what ecstasy. who needs a drug when you can get high on all the ways in which you can take care of a man’s needs.
Why would any woman want to be married to one of them? She’s much better off on her own.
Well – ads are about creating fairy tales and having people aspire to them – day dreaming and wish for a better world where men don’t have paunches and they’re actually kind to your children is a lovely fairy tale. Just don’t be surprised when it doesn’t come true.  It isn’t going to happen in your lifetime, or your children’s lifetime. It will be generations before such a scene  becomes the norm. We can still applaud the lucky few who do manage to achieve it. For the rest of us divorced Indian women we’ll  make do with laughter and blog posts about the crassness of guys who approach us for sex, housekeeping and other ways in which we can show our worthiness. After all an Indian woman isn’t a person. She’s been put on earth to fulfill other people’s desires.



About Kalpana

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I write about it and show you pictures either through my photography or through the pictures I paint with my words. I read books and write fiction. During working hours I teach English as an Additional Language. I edit.

Posted on October 31, 2013, in a sense of humor, Divorce and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I can never decide whether I should laugh or cry about the typical man you are likely to encounter on second marriage sites.
    I call them Their Majesties.

    I think they choose a prospective wife much like they would choose a washing machine or kitchen appliance.

    In fact, that’s precisely how they view the wife. She’s a useful convenience and exists to cater to the man’s needs.

    To that effect, she needs to be attractive, educated, biddable, compliant, willing to bend backwards to meet the needs of the man’s family and, hold your breath, have NO demands or needs of her own.

    Indian men seem to want Stepford wives no matter how much women want a different deal for themselves

    • Absolutely Neha! ‘A useful convenience’ is what the typical indian man thinks of wives. And second wives – women who aren’t virgins, who may have children – Their Majesties think they’re doing such women a favour by considering marrying them.

  2. Loved this post.
    ” love is not an emotion most Indian men allow themselves to feel for anyone except themselves, their parents and their children – in that order” – I’ve noticed these patterns a lot on our family. It is very strange to me to NOT put the wife first.

    • It is really strange not to put the wife first Alexandra. But then in India marriage isn’t really valued for the relationship between the husband and wife which is, to put it crudely, solely for producing and rearing children and ensuring the man has a life-long live-in maid and sex slave. At least that’s how men and their families view the wife’s role.

  3. Absolutely! It’s heart is in the right place and the ad can’t be faulted. What I’m saying is that I wish real life were more like this.
    Most ads do focus on what men want – which as you said is usually a fair thin virgin.

  4. Hmm.. but dont you think even if this is an unrealistic ad, as ads most of the times are, it’s heart is in the right place? I mean there was no smugness about the guy that he is doing her/ daughter a big favour. He seemed to be genuinely fond of both of them to me. Maybe in our society we need to show something like this since 99.99percent ads will focus on thin fair virgins for great indian men?

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