What offers to marry a second time in India are really like
The ad that celebrates remarriage that I wrote about in my post Celebrating remarriage has had many reactions, mostly positive. Fellow blogger and novelist Ritu Lalit loves the ad but says it makes her blood boil because it’s so far from reality. Do read her post Second Marriage Tanishq ad for a laugh a minute. While it’s laudable to be able to laugh at the kind of experiences she writes about, it’s bordering on tragedy that she had such experiences. The fact that her experiences are very run of the mill makes me even more despondent.
Second marriages in India are all about the guy doing the woman a favour. Unless of course, in the rarest of the rare cases he actually falls in love. For one, love is not an emotion most Indian men allow themselves to feel for anyone except themselves, their parents and their children – in that order. As you can see from Ritu’s post, the kind of men you find on Indian marriage websites, specially those dedicated to second marriages, are business-like about the fact that they need a housekeeper to take care of their parents, home, children while the relationship between husband and wife takes a back seat. Way at the back. Back of the bus, not even a car. Indian men – and their belief that they are god’s gift to the world! That just having a man to take care would send any woman into paroxysms of delight. Quivering with anticipation to cook for him, wash his clothes, put up with his mother’s bad moods – ooooo what bliss, ooooooo what ecstasy. who needs a drug when you can get high on all the ways in which you can take care of a man’s needs.
Why would any woman want to be married to one of them? She’s much better off on her own.
Well – ads are about creating fairy tales and having people aspire to them – day dreaming and wish for a better world where men don’t have paunches and they’re actually kind to your children is a lovely fairy tale. Just don’t be surprised when it doesn’t come true. It isn’t going to happen in your lifetime, or your children’s lifetime. It will be generations before such a scene becomes the norm. We can still applaud the lucky few who do manage to achieve it. For the rest of us divorced Indian women we’ll make do with laughter and blog posts about the crassness of guys who approach us for sex, housekeeping and other ways in which we can show our worthiness. After all an Indian woman isn’t a person. She’s been put on earth to fulfill other people’s desires.