Don’t be so glib when you’re reassuring the bride
I just read this on Huffington Post Wedding and thought it would be great to share it with my readers. It was reblogged from The Stir and you can read the original post At The Stir, Cafemom written by Mary Fischer
In short the 6 lies are
1. If you’re already lived together – you’re already married.
2. Money worries will disappear
3.He will change
4.Loneliness is a thing of the past
5.Marriage is more fun than being single
6. Your spouse’s every little habit will be endearing.
Living together before getting married is less common in India although some couples in big cities do manage to twist the arms of their parents and other nay sayers and do it. Of course it’s ridiculous to suggest that it’s the same as marriage. If it were, why would people get married? Although it is an excellent option that works well for people who’ve had their fingers burnt by a divorce, or who feel stifled at the thought of marriage. India is far too conventional a society to accept it, so it doesn’t really apply to us.
I think it’s lies like these that actually steer marriages onto the rocks especially if the bride is unsuspecting or particularly dreamy and romantic. I’d like to go to point no 2 – about shared bank accounts and ask who invented them? Money is a huge boulder many marriages trip up on. My suggestion – keep your accounts separate and be very clear about who will spend on what and how much.
Going into a relationship, or a marriage, believing you can overhaul the other says something about you. You’re a control freak. If you want to change the other person then you don’t love them. Acceptance of the other, with all his faults is the first step in building a strong foundation for your marriage.
Marrying because you are afraid of being alone? Not a good idea. Marry because you’re two whole people who complement each other. Not two broken halves trying to make a whole. Loneliness is a fact of life that we need to deal with rather than run away from.
If you think marriage is always fun – I’d like to point out – that’s a tall order. Neither being single nor being married is always fun or always terrible.
All habits are not charming. The question is, how much are you willing to tolerate, or how well can you negotiate and sometimes, how good are you at ignoring things. The way you react to habits that are irritating is a combination of all these things.
What’s your opinion on these unrealistic reassurances routinely trotted out to brides?
Posted on July 1, 2013, in bride, control, Divorce, habits, joint bank accounts, living together and tagged bride, Cafemom, Huff Post Weddings, India, Loneliness, Marriage, Mary Fischer, reassurances, Relationships, Stir, The Stir. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.