Don’t be an Ostrich

Male and Female ostriches Cape Point

Male and Female ostriches Cape Point (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.” Dr.Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

If a marriage is clearly over and there’s no chance of reconciliation, what’s the best thing to do?

Initiate divorce proceedings and end it so that everyone can get on with their lives?

Refuse to answer your spouse’s phone calls, texts or emails in a bid to make them suffer?

The second option is the most popular for Indian  men and women. As a result the state of LIMBO drags on, sometimes forever. You are neither married, nor unmarried. You don’t have a spouse, nor are you free to find another partner.

One lovely, reasonable career woman with a teenage son doesn’t want to give her estranged husband a divorce. He had an affair with another woman, his wife left him. She neither wants alimony nor will she give him a divorce.

Another man left his wife and young son and moved in with another woman. He and his wife have applied for divorce but he doesn’t want to pay her alimony and she’s fighting him in court for it. He did her an injury by cheating  on her, yet he doesn’t have the decency to end the marriage in an honourable way.

It’s strange how people behave when divorce comes up. Divorce isn’t simply the end of a relationship between two people. It is instead the interfering of those two people’s friends, family and lawyers. Finally the person who takes the decision to file for divorce, not grant divorce , ask for alimony – or not – bears no semblance to the spouse one marriedPerhaps it’s all these frightening tales of hours spent in court with unscrupulous lawyers, of being called alcoholic, with loose morals, unhinged and anything else the lawyers deem fit to trump up that make Indians so reluctant to go to court. Add to that the fact that Indians aren’t really proactive when it comes to relationships, preferring to hide their heads in the sand, ostrich-like, hoping the trouble will go away if they ignore it long enough – and you have hordes of married/unmarried who should be divorced but aren’t technically.

Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away and many years are lost. What could have been a minor hiccup if you had looked reality in the eye and said -it’s over – let me be done with it – becomes so major that it’s almost the defining aspect of your life and remains so for many years.

The good thing about divorce is that it brings closure. It lays to rest the demons of the marriage. If something has ended there’s no virtue in skirting the issue. It’s best to pluck up the courage and go for surgery.

My advice to the first woman would be – give him the divorce – you don’t want him back, you just want to make his life hell. You don’t have to play God – he is already tormented by what he did.

My advice to the second – the guy would be – the marriage broke because you strayed. Now behave honourably and give her what she wants.

What would your advice be?


About Kalpana

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I write about it and show you pictures either through my photography or through the pictures I paint with my words. I read books and write fiction. During working hours I teach English as an Additional Language. I edit.

Posted on June 30, 2013, in affair, alimony, Courts, Divorce, lawyers and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Ajaytao2010

    Nice reading about you

    Thanks for visiting my blog. Be in touch. Browse through the category sections, I feel you may find something of your interest.

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