How was 2012 for you?
How then was 2012 for you? As a divorced person, a separated person?
For some of us we made a few steps forward in our interminable divorce proceedings. We discovered strength and patience and an optimism that we dredged up from some depths within us. An optimism that we forced upwards, believing against all odds, that this would end.
Some of us were victorious – we got our divorces. And were puzzled by how unimportant that piece of paper is, once you have it. It hardly matters. It’s only when you don’t yet have it, and are striving to get it, haggling with lawyers, running to court, working out the best deal with your ex – that’s when you long for the divorce with an intensity that you can’t understand. But you still need to work on getting it.
Some of us remained in our limbo. Not really wanting the divorce, allowing it to linger in court, not ending it, not taking the decisions that need to be taken, refusing to move on with our lives.
Some of us started the year on a high, the divorce behind us, a new job, a new relationship – the future rosy. That’s me.
And as the year progressed the job lost its sheen and began to feel like shackles as the boss I liked left only to be replaced by an unpleasant tyrant. But the deal I had made with myself was that I wouldn’t run at the first sign of trouble but stick it out for a year, so I lived with the situation. I stretched. I didn’t even throw in the trowel when an acute family crisis reared it’s head. My brother was diagnosed with cancer and every nerve in my body wanted to leave for Germany, where he lives, to take care of him. I’m a giver, a caretaker. But reason prevailed and I didn’t leave the job. A great triumph for me. I took care of my brother during his chemos only during my vacation ensuring I supported him with mails and phone calls, prayers and uplifting communication. I returned from my vacation to the charming new boss and a longer work schedule because of the extra time off, hardly rejuvenated from a holiday that was stressful and distressing.
As for the relationship that was apparently a dream come true – it suddenly became a nightmare that I’m still trying to wake up from. The dream man, the perfect answer to every desire suddenly disappeared – without an explanation or a disagreement. He surfaced after a fortnight of silence – on another continent, from where he broke up with me over facebook !! Giving no reason. Yes – the height of bad behavior from a man who had sworn love, presented red roses and jewellery, planned the future, replaced my name with endearments, was funny, sexy, handsome, loving, in love, thoughtful, mature. I’m still trying to figure out what happened. After that betrayal I don’t know how I will ever have the courage to start another relationship.
My post divorce relationships have been harrowing. Disappointments have rained down upon me. It’s a miracle that I tried again. And again. And again. But it’s quite true that it doesn’t matter how many times you fall down. What matters is how many times you pick yourself up. And I have. Every time. All I can say to you is – never lose hope. Wipe away the tears and believe in a better future than the past you’ve lived through. Believe, against all odds that your life is improving, that you’ve turned the corner. It’s all we can do.