Divorce does strange things to you

A friend of mine is a classical singer who lived in and sang in another country, with her husband. Theirs was a bi-racial marriage, and for reasons that have nothing to do with race and everything to do with relationships, they parted. She packed her clothes (nothing more) and in a brave move for a woman who’d lived a life as sheltered as she had, came back to Delhi.

Her parents and brothers though sympathetic and loving didn’t support her or her decision. She plodded on, through some difficult years and eventually made it, on her won and without their help. Success story.

On the days when I sang my heart out with her, we’d stop and chat about life and love. She told me how her divorce and the process of understanding the reasons for her failed marriage took so much of her energy and lead her to reject so much of her old self that she stopped singing for five whole years. Well, she stopped singing classical music and sang instead popular music, which she’d had no previous knowledge of. It was as it she rejected everything about her old life together with the rejection of her husband.

When the turmoil settled down a bit she had an epiphany one day. She realised that singing WAS her mission and returned to it with gusto. She now makes her living teaching singing and is an authority in the field. But it took her five years to get over her marriage and the association her mind made between singing and her husband. She disassociated from the man who made her unhappy but retained that which was good – the singing. She was healed.

Has it happened to you  too ?

I for one, haven’t been able to write my book for a very long time now. I write yes – I write blogs and reports, maybe even the occasional short story, poetry but the half written book lies dusty and forgotten in a corner of the  Study. It’s acquired a personality of its own – full of reproaches, guilt inducing with outdated emotions and ideas. I have a new perspective on those felt emotions – but I’m still not sure whether I dare to open those pages again. I don’t know whether the scab of my wound is ready to be scratched at. It may bleed again. And take long to heal.

Well I won’t know, unless I try – so I’m going to take another look at that story that had so much of my married life woven into it. I’m going to write it. Wish me luck.

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About Kalpanaa

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I always enjoy myself. I read books, I review. I eat, I review. I watch plays, I review. I have an opinion on everything. At other times I heal people through yoga and/or foot reflexology.

Posted on January 22, 2012, in Divorce and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Aww. Good luck with your book, it might be the tool that helps you heal actually,writing penning my thoughts and emotions help ne to unravel, understand and move on. Don’t be afraid to write everything without censorship because after the first draft, you can edit anything out that you’ll feel uncomfortable about exposing. Best wishes.

  2. Good luck with your book! I guess I wasn’t married long enough to associate things with memories of my husband. All the things I used to do with him (except the $3x!), I now do either with friends or by myself. I did screw up my career because I had no bandwidth left to focus on it and I’m trying to work on that now.

    I’ve tried – SO many times – to write about my marriage on the blog. Earlier, it used to hurt too much to write about it. Later, I was too indifferent to even spend the time. I wrote about the days leading up to the wedding, but that was it.

    • Wild Child – David Byrne has said it – and I couldn’t agree more…”I subscribe to the myth that an artist’s creativity comes from torment. Once that’s fixed, what do you draw on?”
      I don’t really think you’re too indifferent to spend the time. Try writing it out,
      I almost gave up on this book – thinking Im indifferent, that part of my life is over – I don’t want to dwell on it, I want to write about exciting, interesting things. Till I realized that was just another form of escapism.

      • What I meant by indifference was….I’m done. There’s nothing left to be said. I’m tired of even talking about it. It’s all I’ve spoken about all of the last 8 months. There’s nothing – not a single miserable day, not a single fight – that my friends and family or bloggers I’ve been IMing with haven’t heard about. I don’t have it in me to talk about it ONE MORE TIME! I’m just SO. SWAMPED. With everything I need to do about work and school and everything else I’d ignored all this while. Now that I feel better, I’d rather pay attention to things I NEED TO pay attention to.

        You do have a point, and I might be escaping things too. But I’ve decided to continue with the escapism for some more time! 🙂

  3. Wish you all the luck to finish your book

  1. Pingback: Parents as parents – even if divorced | divorced doodling

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