Celebrate the end?

Getting divorced doesn’t exactly sound like an occasion to rejoice or to mark, does it? For those who have never gone through a divorce it’s more like something to hide or not mention. After all it is a dirty secret and decent folk would dream of going through one, would they now? If you have, get on with your life quietly.

Closure is important

But actually divorce often requires closure as well. A death is followed by a funeral isn’t it? A ceremony to remember the dead and move on. Closure is important. Therapy is another great way of experiencing closure but is not the accepted path in India. Therapy is mostly thought of a sop for women or other weak people who have a head problem rather than an aid for anybody undergoing a difficult life transition.

Therapy is socially unacceptable

Just try suggesting to anybody going through a divorce that they should go for therapy and they will tell you, in all earnestness, that they have been for it and that it doesn’t work for them. No way? How can it, since you are obviously blatantly lying that you’ve been for therapy. Particularly men – they insist that they’ve been, if they don’t sneer at you outright for making the suggestion, and then they proceed to act out all their insecurities and bad behaviour which makes it crystal clear that they don’t know the T of therapy since they are making absolutely no effort to understand their own motives for their irrational controlling behaviour.

End of marriage party?

In the absence of therapy as a socially acceptable way of dealing with the end of marriage an enterprising gentleman in Japan has devised an end of marriage ceremony. This involves dressing formally, inviting people, smashing a marriage ring and thus officially  ‘moving on\’  from your marriage.

Rejoice at least at your freedom from court visits

I think it’s quite a good idea. Plus, after you’ve been dragged through the courts for 5 years (it usually takes at least that long to get a divorce in India) you certainly have occasion to rejoice. No more long trips to sleazy courtrooms stained with alarming red betel stains, swarming with touts, where there are no washrooms, no facilities for drinking coffee, you can’t sit down, there’s nowhere to park your car and you have to drive to the most congested part of town, miles from where you live to the Interstate Bus Terminus, pray that you get a parking spot (harder than your prayer that the judge gives a ruling finally this time around), avoid all the touts and the knowing looks and this while you are sad, depressed and certain that everyone is looking at you pitifully, or lustfully, or greedily or disapprovingly. So you grow stronger and bolder, and more positive despite everything. And you can celebrate the end of this dreadful journey to those god-awful courts as well, once you get your divorce.

What’s your opinion? Should I start a service like this to help people work through their emotions and have a little fun at the same time? Then they can start afresh with a clean slate.


About Kalpana

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I write about it and show you pictures either through my photography or through the pictures I paint with my words. I read books and write fiction. During working hours I teach English as an Additional Language. I edit.

Posted on July 5, 2011, in Breaking Up, Courts, Justice and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. i hope some sense prevail and the century old divorce law is slightly tweaked so that people can file no fault divorce

  2. Not sure it will catch on as a service but you could have one for yourself. My sister’s friend in the US did, it was apparently very well attended and fun.

    There’s this book To My Ex Husband by Susan Dundon that I must recommend. It’s a series of letters to her ex husband that she never sent, but describes the process from divorce to closure in what I imagine is a very real, sometimes humourous, mostly heartfelt way.

  3. Yes, do start a venture like this.
    I can be your partner. Seriously…

  4. If you do a Google image search for divorce cakes, you’ll see some really funny pictures. In the US too, some people do celebrate w/ parties etc. I think I will too 🙂

  5. Rajshekhar Malaviya

    Of course, people going through a divorce surely need help. I see them every time I go to the court, and a large number of them cringe when their names are called out as if they are being called to the box for a heinous crime.

    There is, certainly, need for closure. Alas, our society and its strange, outdated, denying mores often make it impossible. In fact, they consign it to something that’s JUST NOT NEEDED!

  6. ha ha the japanese sure have the right idea!

  1. Pingback: Divorce Cakes « divorced doodling

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