Divorce granted for denying sex

read an article on the website of a leading Indian newspaper about a divorce. A man was granted a divorce because his wife denied him sex for 20 years. I’m not including the link to this trashy article because it’s not worth reading. I went through it and wondered whether I could write a suitably cutting blog post about it when I chanced upon the comment section.

What minefield. Reading those comments was like sitting at a bar with a bunch of men speaking without inhibition about sex in India. It was just brilliant AND it had me in splits. I would love my readers to laugh as much as I did, and to understand the kind of biases that we are dealing with. These men did not feel watched and did not feel the necessity to pretend. Read on.

Ganesh of India says – if bad in bed, then get divorce and move on in life with another partner…for what waste both lives….?

American USA says, not unreasonably “oh ok…so now husband can officially have sex with his wife without her consent…women has no say in indian culture….”

This set off a barrage of insulting comments as he has obviously touched a raw nerve  “You brainless dumbshit, read the article before commenting” says someone from NYC while DP from London is puzzled “ There is no mention of sex without consent in this article. How is your comment relevant to this section?” Racial insults from Joy of Bhubaneshwar “ ur American women speak in terms of their bodies and bikinis.”

Aryon from Bharat begins reasonably but then  tells the Americans not to comment on matters of Indian sexuality “Read it properly… the judgment is applicable to both genders. Even female can get divorce if she is denied sex by her husband. Denial of sex does not mean for one or two odd instances… it counts only when happens for continuous years. One more thing – Don’t lecture us on culture as this article is about way of living. Culture is much more than just a way of living – but you americans won’t understand as you don’t have that. Just concentrate on your way of living, buddy.”

One small voice of reason, Sushma, a woman living in the US says, mildly  “Maybe she had a legit reason, like abuse on the husband’s part,”

There is another barrage of raucous comments from people who give  themselves names like Male Chauvinist ! Embrace your dark side???

Chandrashekhar Rao from Mysore has a new angle

“Women must realise that God never made sex a ration item. It must be enjoyed freely. Most of the wives think that they are doing a favour to their husbands while enjoying the act themselves. On the part of the husbands they must schedule their carnal programs without inconveniencing their partner. For example it is criminal to wake somebody of sleep for sex.”

RK Patel says, quite reasonably, if somewhat quaintly  “ WOMEN in general and INDIAN-WOMEN in particular must stand up to WHATEVER THEY DID NOT LIKE..!! WE MEN in general and INDIAN-MEN in particular must SUPPORT/ENCOURAGE WOMEN /INDIAN-WOMEN to EXPRESS DISPLEASURE about ANYTHING..!! Think about that for a moment..!!”

For this comment he is called a Hijda

This is followed by poor Shiv from Mumbai, who, in the middle of this club of jackals actually bares his breast  – “ Even my wife denies me sex.  She says you can have affair with anyone, I don’t mind. I have to plead {beg} her for sex. She agrees reluctantly and do not take interest in it. I am 50 and very healthy and active. I do not need much sex {just once in a week} but that too is refused. I do not see porns yet I need. I have been suffering from this problem for many years now. I am sure there are many more like me who can’t tell this personal problem to anyone.”

Advice come from the guy from NY  “Don’t think too much about the culture related BS. Go out and have fun. You have one life. Don’t waste it. After 10 years, even if you want it, you may not be able to.”

VK Suresh from Bangalore is obviously suffering too and adds “Good judgment. I feel around 80% of married men face this trauma through out their life. Sex life is worse in case of wife also going for job. Majority of woman think sex as burden and have no consideration on the feelings of men. I feel most woman marry and consider husband as cab driver or use him to carry luggage or use him as a bodyguard while traveling. Real heart break guys.”

Indian Lady from Gurgaon steps in and tells them all off –  “Dear VK, How did you conclude this 80%? Media is giving headlines as “man allowed separation from wife for denial of sex” and you all started sharing your sour experiences. They were staying separately since 2005. Indian law is if husband-wife is staying separate for 2 years, either of them can initiate divorce. Theirs is a case where sex is just one of the many reasons. And Suresh, as you said sex life is worse in case of wife also going for job, then it’s one side of the coin. The other side is women go to job, and also take care of their household activities. Men either doesn’t help at all or if they help, that help is very little. Working woman in India means double the workload and triple the expectations of family members. If you help your wife and reduce her workload (by helping in household activities, and not convincing that she should quit her job and satisfy you on bed), you’ll automatically be able to maintain a balance and get what you think you deserve. Am sure, neither that man nor that lady is wrong. Our society has not consulted them well. If both of them could have compromised a bit, they could have had a better life together, though exceptions are always there. “

Indian Citizen from Bhubaneshwar tells all and sundry  knowledgeably,  “Not only Indian women deny sex but they also have very poor knowledge of the skills. They are not so skilled like the Western women. Now if the husband have some extra marital affair, then she will start shouting, whereas the fault lies with her.”

Indian Male says -“Indian women shout that Indian men are bad in this area and that area but they don’t realize that they are the worst globally in several areas. My girl friend is from Poland. We are having a great relationship in all areas for the last 7.5 years. She has stayed back in India just for me. At least she does not have the nakhrabaazi and evil attitude of Indian women that is to use the male emotionally, financially and after that denying sex.”

It was funny although there are some very real peeves out there. Another blog post on that…

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About Kalpanaa

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I always enjoy myself. I read books, I review. I eat, I review. I watch plays, I review. I have an opinion on everything. At other times I heal people through yoga and/or foot reflexology.

Posted on March 25, 2011, in Courts, Divorce, Justice and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I dont get it . We all are in this fast track .. So called urban lot… For a moment let us think that if by chance, accidently or by divine intervention or what ever reasons a couple falls out of the Marriage bowl,obviously they will be gasping for breath..and very much so each for themself.By choice if one fry suddenly grows too big it is but obvious the other fish will get pushed, squashed and smothered.
    .For Records sake divorce is the instance when the batons that we are carrying needs to change hand ..each case is different .We must still run with baton or with out one , life is a race where there are no winners or loosers .. The book of life unfolds as we keep turning the pages. Cant take the heat .. become a couch potatoe and watch TV … See other people in action . Divorced or married if we do not adjust to circumstance we all become victims of the social order.

  2. Sleaze abounds everywhere. If you look for it, as this guy obviously has. Well ya, they are pariahs but ignoring the judgement could be taken as agreeing with it. There’s no reason to ostracise a divorced person. That has to be made clear.

  3. The comments are hilarious. The one about Indian women not being as skilled in matters of sex as their American counterparts had me wondering if this man had been watching too much of the sleaze that comes from that country. And then the one about the cab driver and coolie!!! Amazing understanding of this institution of marriage. and a great lesson indeed.

    On a serious note, divorced people being pariahs is a painful truth. And the only way to survive this is to ignore it, allow it to not trouble you; at least that’s the way I look at it.

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