Sometimes letting go makes us strong
Yesterday’s blog post – ‘better to be hated for what you are’ occasioned some comments and plenty of telephonic discussion.
Friends and I talked about the difficulties of divorce, particularly in India, where even in Urban India its still a no no – something that is entirely unacceptable and beyond the pale, something that turns you into a social pariah. One particular person shared how, although he has been 7 years in the process of getting a divorce, his parents who, thankfully, live in a smaller town, still hide the fact of his single-again status from friends and family. You can imagine the kind of pressure this puts on a person, when his tough decision to part company with his wife and the mother of his children is not acknowledged by his own parents.
This is the kind of hell evoked by the social pressure to remain married that divorced people encounter regularly.
Knowing this, we divorced people are particularly loathe to encourage anyone to take this drastic step, contrary to what most people think about us. We don’t wish to swell the ranks; we don’t want more and more people to get a divorce. On the contrary.
Should people share their marriage woes with me, I make a point to listen with great respect and with my full attention. That’s what a suffering person needs. Sometimes that’s all that they need.
You can go ahead with a divorce only if you sure without a doubt and as strong as a rock. If this is the case, the strength of your conviction will see you through the dark days ahead. Because dark days there will be. However much you want your freedom. You are going to feel awful for a while. But its still worth it, if that’s what you want. As Hermann Hesse said, “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
So, if you want to let go, do it and have the strength to face up to what comes your way. And many things will come your way. Be ready for that. And the greatest obstacles may come from within you as you mourn the end of your marriage. But as you do so, and till you get over your anger (and you will, one day you will wake up and find it gone) as you mourn remember – “There’s no need to miss someone from your past – there’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future”. Think about it.