Better to be hated for who you are
Sometimes I think this blog is getting too serious. Today’s thought was to write a positive post. Then I began to think about how readers who are holier-than-thou about divorce will react to positive statements about divorce. After all, there are far too many people who believe that divorce is completely unnecessary and who go straight for your jugular should you have another opinion.
We know the sort, the kind of people who sniff at you with great superiority, and explain ever so kindly that they too have seen difficult days in their marriage, but since they have values, they have made the effort to stick it out.
Its incredible how judgmental people can be, or how easily they equate their little squabbles with your marital problems. If they knew you well, or had gone into your situation deeply before producing a statement like this, it would have deserved some consideration. This way it’s simply judgmental.
As I thought this my eye fell on my blogher widget for Own your Beauty, which has a saying on it so apt that I can’t resist quoting it here. Andre Gide says, “Its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.” So so true. With this thought in mind, I go all out in saying I fully support divorce for those who want it. And there are many who do.
Divorce is necessary in some cases. And only those in the marriage itself know when they’ve had enough and just can’t go on any longer.
Despite sit coms and movies that show divorcees as selfish people having a wonderful time, the reverse is true more often than not. People – don’t presume that the divorcee has given up on the marriage out of sheer laziness/ lack of will power/ self centeredness/ a desire for the ‘rocking’ (ha haahaha) single life/any or all of the above.
Realise instead that much soul searching has gone into a well thought out decision to break up a family, sometimes with children, to leave behind old haunts and habits, friends, security, emotional and financial support and step out into the world alone. Older, infinitely more vulnerable and much much sadder. And try not to turn up your bejeweled nose at somebody whose situation you know nothing about.