Better to be hated for who you are

Sometimes I think this blog is getting too serious. Today’s thought was to write a positive post. Then I began to think about how readers who are holier-than-thou about divorce will react to positive statements about divorce. After all, there are far too many people who believe that divorce is completely unnecessary and who go straight for your jugular should you have another opinion.

We know the sort, the kind of people who sniff at you with great superiority, and explain ever so kindly that they too have seen difficult days in their marriage, but since they have values, they have made the effort to stick it out.

Its incredible how judgmental people can be, or how easily they equate their little squabbles with your marital problems. If they knew you well, or had gone into your situation deeply before producing a statement like this, it would have deserved some consideration. This way it’s simply judgmental.

As I thought this my eye fell on my blogher widget for Own your Beauty, which has a saying on it so apt that I can’t resist quoting it here. Andre Gide says, “Its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.”  So so true. With this thought in mind, I go all out in saying I fully support divorce for those who want it. And there are many who do.

Divorce is necessary in some cases. And only those in the marriage itself know when they’ve had enough and just can’t go on any longer.

Despite sit coms and movies that show divorcees as selfish people having a wonderful time, the reverse is true more often than not. People – don’t presume that the divorcee has given up on the marriage out of sheer laziness/ lack of will power/ self centeredness/ a desire for the ‘rocking’ (ha haahaha) single life/any or all of the above.

Realise instead that much soul searching has gone into a well thought out decision to break up a family, sometimes with children, to leave behind old haunts and habits, friends, security, emotional and financial support and step out into the world alone. Older, infinitely more vulnerable and much much sadder. And try not to turn up your bejeweled nose at somebody whose situation you know nothing about.



About Kalpana

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I write about it and show you pictures either through my photography or through the pictures I paint with my words. I read books and write fiction. During working hours I teach English as an Additional Language. I edit.

Posted on March 22, 2011, in Divorce and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Loved this post. I am a divorced woman, and I know the loneliness of this life, the financial and emotional burden of bringing up my children single handed. And yes, I don’t want another marriage, even though I know its a lonely retired life that awaits me

  2. Mysticspirit

    @Kiran – thank you Kiran 🙂

  3. You know you write so well.You write on profound topics so simply and honestly that sometimes I have chills down my spine reading your posts.
    1 comment would not be sufficient for such a post.
    I could sit and discuss with you each and every line.
    We will do that some day- soon.

  4. I often tell such people: come and live my life, even if it is for an hour.
    I am out of my marriage, and I come home to four walls.
    Did I hear somebody say Rocking?
    OK, if you say so, something was wrong with me, and that’s why my marriage broke.
    I took that call, I snapped out, because I also had a lot of respect for me and my life.
    If you think I am a bad guy with a roving eye, that’s your opinion.
    It holds no value for me.
    My life holds all the value for me, because it is all I have.
    So, you be happy where you are, and if you condemn me for taking a decision to respect my life, I have little to say about you.

    • Mysticspirit

      Thanks for the comment. I agree – if you think Im a bad guy with a roving eye, thats your opinon. If you think Im a bad gal, with a roving eye …thats tough. For you and for me. And you made it so – with your misunderstanding of who I am.

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