Divorce happens, families continue
I read a wonderful blog about how separated families celebrate festivals.
This one was about Christmas.
Divorce happens, but families continue. If you have children, they will always have a mother and a father, even if those two are no longer a unit. And celebration times continue. Holi is coming up – what are we going to do?
The children (whether they’re still children or adults by now) are used to festivals as family time. If my daughters can’t play Holi with me or with their father, a certain sadness sets in. And perhaps my ex and I don’t want to play Holi with each other. And maybe we do. Because we have done so for so many years, because we have common friends and go to the same parties, because our children want us to be together for a little while.
My family has worked it out in such a way that nobody is left sitting alone at home at celebration time, or sent out to spend time with another family.
We organise our time. And we share it out. In the days when my ex and I were in the process of getting divorced and didn’t feel at all comfortable about being in the same room together, the children spent time first with me and then with him. Lunch with him and dinner with me. Or if dinner and the evening vibe was most important, then they spent the evening before the actual festival with one of us. So Christmas Eve with Daddy and Christmas Day in the evening with Mum.
Those days have changed, and we’re friends now, so we often spend the festival together, as a family again. Dad comes over to my home, as do the children and I cook for all of them as I once did. It’s lovely.
I don’t know how that will work out later. Dad already has a partner who is wonderful and sensible and sensitive enough to take this in her stride. I hope that when I find a partner he will be as generous as she has been.
Families are important and we have to find our ways of making a difficult situation work.
The best thing is that most of our friends (undivorced) cannot understand this arrangement at all and presume that if you are divorced you cannot bear to interact with the other person at all. They conjecture that my Ex and I may get back together again and its actually way beyond them to figure that we are really good friends and always will be. That that’s what works best for us and we’re glad to have recognized it. And to have the support of our children and partners in our new relationship that is much more loving than when we were married to each other.
So – here are a few pictures of Diwali, when my Ex and one of the children spent the evening with me. His wife was traveling, although we did have a rollicking evening together as pre Diwali celebrations.
Divorce doesn’t mean that a family dies. The family lives on…