response to Karva Chauth comment
PSinha”Hi Kalpana, the questions you have asked are very obvious questions – and many have raised / asked or thought about these questions at some point of time in their life. You have asked why husbands do not fast for their wives (in other words then why wives fast for their husbands) ?”
Correction – my question about why husbands don’t fast for their wives does not mean that wives should not fast for their husbands. I am talking about equality here and about that little old saying – what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Double standards for men and women.
PSinha “If you look at Hindus (this festival is among hindus only) – you will find them worshipping rivers (rivers are gods – because the earlier civilization could flourish on the river banks), many worship their tools (as it provides them livelyhood), many worship cows for the similar reason, many s/w professional start their work only after worshiping their computer. Wives started worshiping (for) husbands simply because once married – it is the husband only who has all the responsibility of his wife.”
My response – I am afraid that this is not true. This is a moot point. The point is, if a husband ‘takes care’ of his wife it is because the husband, his mother and extended family and society in general WANT the wife to be dependent. They ensure in every possible way that she cannot earn her own keep (despite, often, being as educated as the husband himself. Our society is afraid of independent women so the myth of dependency is spread far and wide and used like a net to catch women and ‘keep her safe’. What safety is this when you are locked into the cage with the tiger himself?
PSinha “A woman’s life is “still” identified with her husband – (that is a social reality – you may not like it – but it is a fact). Husbands earn for their wives (or the family), (even after divorce the husband has to provide the maintenance to his ex-wife), has to take care of all the need of the family – the main responsibility lies with the husband – if a husband is not fulfiling his responsibility – he is not a man (then what he is – you know it better).”
My response – Excuse me, this part of the comment is not clear to me. How would I know what you mean about a man who thinks he is the only one qualified to earn a living. I don’t know if that makes him a ‘man’ or a ‘mard’ or a victim who likes to feel sorry for himself while not permitting his wife to work. THIS is the social reality – as I know from hundreds of women who have shared with me personally.
PSinha “Another important point is – married woman are not just fasting for their husband – they are celebrating their marital status, they are getting gifts from their husbands; they are reminding their husband that how pious is their relationship.”
My response – Good point – celebrating marriage is lovely. Wonder why only the woman celebrates with fasting?
PSinha “Man and woman are not equal – they are different.”
My response – I would like to point out to you that this is feminist blog for educated people who do not believe in thoughts like – men are women are not equal. You are entitled to your opinions, whatever they may be and however erroneous the premise on which they are based. This is a blog that is a supportive blog for people who have undergone divorce so these opinions of yours cannot be aired here without being contested.
PSinha “Fasting is not human right violation – Hindus (men & women ) both fast on varios occassions and festivals. Muslims fast for the entire month during Ramzan.”
My response – If you are forced to fast, it is a human rights violation, whether you are Hindu or Muslim (can’t quite understand the point you are making here) or Catholic or Protestant or Jew.
PSinha “But I can understand your frustration – since you are a divorcee.”
My response – The only reason why I have not deleted your condescending comment is for people to see the kind of attitude we divorcees have to deal with. This assumption that we are anti marriage, anti establishment, anti relationships. And the use of this word ‘frustration’. Verrrrrry subtle. This comment about my being a divorcee is just not on. However, as I said before, it illustrates my point beautifully – the lack of understanding for the divorcee, the stereotypical attitude that you have just demonstrated, the sexual innuendo…I could go on and on.
PSinha “You should look for some other reason to celebrate (instead of frustrating on others’ celebration).
My response – Don’t worry about Karva Chauth – your ‘enjoyment’ of it will continue as its patriarchal roots are far too deeply ingrained in our social fabric – nothing to fear. As for my celebrating – that comment is a little too personal to be published on the web, on a blog where you do not even know the blogger. Perhaps you would like to learn a little web etiquette to supplement your fevered support of outdated pointless customs that emphasise the so called superiority of men over women.
PSinha “Why are you being judgemental?”
My response As for why I am being ‘judgemental’ if you understand what that means – this is my blog. I write about women’s freedom and oppressive social customs that keep women in marriages they don’t want to be in. This blog is about questioning those things.