Breaking up the new relationship

Once you’ve accepted the fact of the divorce, you begin to get on with your life. There comes a day when you look at people of the opposite sex with some interest (and not with horror because they are the same sex as your ex) or, you may discover that you are gay, or you may, defiantly turn gay (this is a joke, let me quickly add before I am lynched at the gay parade on the 19th of November in Delhi – and I will be there to support them). 

BURNT FINGERS This renewed interest (often tentative, as many will point out the difficulty of trying to burn your fingers again – it takes some courage – once bitten twice shy) brings with it its own pitfalls. Of course no relationship hiccups can be as bad as that first big failure, so whatever goes wrong in subsequent relationships is usually rather funny. I say this to reassure you and to encourage you to burn your fingers again – so that we can grow the numbers of our burnt fingers club.

PERMANENTLY IRRITATED Well… thanks to the divorce I am now in the unlikely position of having to deal with courting males. Last month I noticed that my state of permanent irritation stemmed from my relationship. I became more and more aware that the guy I was going out with was on a completely different wavelength from me so we decided to part ways. Well, rather, I decided…

This is the scene…    

We meet at Barista for coffee – and he knows why we are meeting because I have already told him. However, he says it’s not fair to break up over the phone. I agree and wanting to be fair (don’t ask me why I did this, nobody has been this nice to me when they broke off with me, but I wanted to be a nice person, sigh) agree to meet. He pushes to meet at my apartment because he says he misses my cats.

Daisy the fairy

(Does he really believe I will fall for any of that? The transparency of his ruse is an insult to me). I insist on Barista. I arrive to find him sitting in the couple’s corner, ‘invitingly’, on a sofa. I firmly seat myself in the noisiest part of the coffee shop, choosing a table with upright chairs. TOO PAINFUL TO BE TOLD What proceeds is too painful to be told, but it must be told. He spent an hour persuading me to see the sense in our remaining together. The reasons he gave were – because we are so well matched (only he sees it that way), have so much in common (I can eat out every single evening and must watch every film in town) his favourite pastime is watching TV at home every evening and he had, in the short space of three months reached the stage where he was attempting to get me to ‘mend’ my bad habits! His dabbling in astrology was used as another pressure tactic because he, God forbid, had ‘seen’ that we have a life together. I point out to him that this is not what I want. His line of persuasion at this point has to be heard to be believed – “Sometimes we must bow to forces greater than ourselves and follow what the stars have in store for us.” Eh?  

THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF SELF FLAGELLATION This was getting nowhere. He just did not understand that it was over. After wheedling, he switched to offensiveness, being rude, making odious comparisons, which frankly I could only laugh at. The next step was sliding down the slippery slope of self flagellation – “tell me what is wrong with me, I will improve and you will never find me doing that again.’ I resisted this oh-so-tempting offer. Why? Well because I had no desire to see him improve, as I’m not even interested in the new improved version and so didn’t wish to waste time and energy going into all that was wrong with him. There’s also no need to be unnecessarily hurtful.

ROUND AND ROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH Finally, when we had gone round the break up spiral for an hour my friend (skulking around the same market, scoffing margheritas with her husband and keeping an eye out for me should I feel the need to yell for help) phoned and I bid a hasty farewell and scooted. But that was not the end of the story…


About Kalpana

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I write about it and show you pictures either through my photography or through the pictures I paint with my words. I read books and write fiction. During working hours I teach English as an Additional Language. I edit.

Posted on November 13, 2010, in Breaking Up and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. You know this wooing ‘thumbrule’ leads to future fracas ha. That in order to have that desirable dame, males should brazenly plead, implore, entice, follow.. etc during courtship . Then no expectations met after marriage.

    Or they would raise the bar so high that her feet won’t touch the ground, so when she falls they’d break something – usually the marriage. Funny story though.

  2. Thanks for that desi girl ! You’re dead right – I am not poor and nor is any independent gutsy woman who takes her life into her own hands and decides who will and who will not stay in her life.

  3. Dear Neeha,

    Who are you calling “poor?”
    DG was never poor even if she didn’t have a dime in her pocket. All those women who chose happiness over stagnant marriages are not poor, they have very enriching lives. They may have hard days but not dead days. Just because their choices do not fit into the societal pre given does not mean they are poor and in need of pitty. Please do not use the word “poor” or “bechari” for anyone because they snatch away a person’s agency.

    Desi Girl

  4. Poor you….
    Hope you enjoy the rest of life…
    Take care:)

  5. …“tell me what is wrong with me, I will improve and you will never find me doing that again.’

    Sounds so needy. Yes, will improve for you and hang it over your head when ever want something from you. 🙂

    Why should it be my job to explain what is wrong with you? You should know but you won’t coz’ you are so comfortable in your skin. How about saying we have different needs and they are not being met. You are such a wonderful person I would not want you to change a bit 🙂 . Guess, communication in those 3 months was crucial either two were not talking or one was not listening 🙂 .
    DG believes one should have an exit strategy before they go on a date.
    Good luck kissing your frog into a prince 🙂

    Desi Girl

  6. Wow…where did you meet such an annoying guy in the first place?
    (As if…I’m one to talk)

  7. its as real and funny …and yah irritating to go through the situation.. poor you…

  1. Pingback: A Desi Girl's Guide to Relationship Survival

  2. Pingback: Best Blog posts talking about A Raja, Twitter, Divorce, Hollywood.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: