Divorced, eating alone

One of the worst things about being divorced is – eating alone.

Anybody who is divorced complains the most about this aspect of life. Not the lack of sex (but who talks about SEX anyway? Think of the comedy ‘No Sex Please, We’re British’ – except that that play is ALL about Sex, Whereas NO SEX PLEASE, WE ARE INDIAN, would not be tongue in cheek, at all. No – it would be deadly serious. Honestly, it beats me how India is such a populated nation considering our Victorian squeamishness about all matters sexual, our puritanicalness, our astrologers who tell us not to have sex on full moon, new moon, ekadasi, Fridays, Tuesdays, Saturdays, Mondays, Thursdays. So try and find a Wednesday or a Sunday that is neither ekadasi, nor full moon nor new moon nor a God’s birthday. HAPPY CELIBACY or unhappy frustration! ‘Its all about your state of mind dear. Do pranayam, and higher yogic practices of controlling outflows’ say the sage aunties, yoga teachers, astrologers, and palmists. The imagination boggles (at the thought of ‘controlling outflows’ but keeps coming up with the same mental picture, unfortunate…very unfortunate)

OOPS – this blog post was about eating alone. Not sleeping alone. Oopsie daisies.

Well, back to eating alone. Eating – something you do at least three times a day. In many families it is ‘family bonding time’ where you give each other indigestion by squabbling when actually you could be supporting each other through difficulties or cheering each other through triumphs. Anyway – because of all the baggage attached to family mealtimes we divorced people (who, at the beginning of our divorced lives tend to remember all the good about married life and forget the bad) pine for those family mealtimes and sit in solitary confinement at our kitchen counters (can’t bear the dining table – dinner –or-one feeling) pushing our reheated food around on our chipped plates, eating to stay alive, not for enjoyment.

This lone kitchen counter top experience of yesterday’s rajmah (its amazing just HOW little food you need to cook for just one person, and if you are not careful you end up eating the same meal 6 nights in a row instead of just 3 nights in a row) is far superior to eating alone in a restaurant. Far far superior, you have it on my recommendation. I’ll describe that for your edification next time.

However, despite all this, those dreadful lonely mealtime blues, the divorced state is a far better way to lead your life than eating together with a partner you cannot stand, gnashing your teeth internally, wishing cyanide was legal, feeling trapped, lonely, unheard, stifled.

Remember, if you were a student away from home, you would be feeling the same way, missing your family, feeling resentful about eating alone, cooking alone, eating the self same food… but you would believe you were building character by doing this. Because you are divorced, once married, now single, you feel like a victim, you wallow in feeling sorry for yourself. You feel like a loser.

But you’re not. You are really doing the self same thing that the student is doing – building character. So grit your teeth, swallow your rajmah and for chrissakes move from the kitchen counter to the dining table, open a bottle of wine, or beer, put flowers on the table, cook more varied dishes, turn up the radio and ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM.


About Kalpana

Trying to change the world one blog post at a time. I write. It's the best thing I can do. I am the Hanged Man, the Fool, the sometime Magician. Whether I travel in my imagination or in real life I write about it and show you pictures either through my photography or through the pictures I paint with my words. I read books and write fiction. During working hours I teach English as an Additional Language. I edit.

Posted on August 3, 2010, in Divorce and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Hey!
    Eating alone was a big deal with me even in the hostel I needed newspaper so I am back to hostel life. 🙂 . I have to no longer fake a conversation and ask ten time take one more…

    I experiment with different receipies and ethnic foods. That I think would have never happened with that God forsaken person. If I have to have to eat out, take my NP with me… Caan’t do that for movies… 😦

    Oh, I do set up my own table when I want and eat from the pan when I want. If it feels too much I call over one of my GFs to come and dig in.

    I loved your take on sex. The ancient moral brigade did every thing to prevent desis from having sex without guilt. But desis too are equal match look we beat China in popluation contest. 🙂 Oh, I forgot we desis don’t have sex its just babies are begotten from Yajanas and boons…


    Desi Girl

  2. Attagirl, that’s more like it…looks like ur getting over the writers’ blocks now….
    I agree eating alone is no joy but it’s not yet a criminal offence. Eating out alone is dreary and sad, beats going to the movies alone.

    • Kalpana Misra

      yep two three four…writer’s block does seem to be a thing of the past. Well, eating out alone can sometimes be more cheerful than eating in alone. Depends…a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do…

  3. Aparna Ghosh

    Wow !! V nice read … A purrrfect balance of humour and intellect… and v nice message too at the end ….

    • Kalpana Misra

      Hey AParna – glad u enjoyed it. Yes – it is tough but as we know, its the hard times that help us grow.

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